Shades Of Humanity (Surviving For Humanity Book 2) Read online

  “George, do you know what's happened?” he asked in a soft voice. George looked up at him.

  “Seems like any other day to me.”

  “Well, it's not. I have some terrible news. The world has ended.”

  George's gaze moved from Tillman to the window, then he burst out laughing.

  “Seems like it's still going to me!” he said, drying a tear of laughter, for he seemed to find Tillman's proclamation hilarious. Tillman gritted his teeth and exhaled through his nose, telling himself not to get angry with this man.

  “There was an EMP that wiped out all electronics. They aren’t coming back anytime soon. I'm talking years here, possibly decades. Life as we know it is over. You should look for safety and sources of water and food. We can't live like we used to do. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you have loved ones, you probably should seek them out. The reason it's so quiet is because people are hiding away indoors. That's why I'm looking for my niece. I'm worried about her.”

  “You're really serious, aren't you?” George said, realization spreading across his face.

  “I am, George, and I appreciate your hospitality, but I strongly suggest you find a safe place to hide.”

  “Thank you for the warning, but this store is all I have. I'm sure people still are going to need their milk and things. I think I should stay here until all my stock is bought out.”

  Tillman blinked. He felt pity for the man, for he obviously didn't grasp the enormity of the situation.

  “That's just it, George. Nobody is going to be buying anything from around here anymore. Money doesn't mean anything. The entire economic system has collapsed. There's no way for towns and cities to communicate with each other. People can do what the hell they want and get away with it. Anyone could come in here!”

  George shrugged. “People are good around here. They're not going to let that stop them. If they still have cash, I'm sure they'll leave a little something for ol' George. We still have something called community spirit around here, and I choose to believe in that.”

  “George, please listen to me.”

  “I have listened, friend, and I appreciate your warning, but where is ol' George going to go? If what you say is true, then there are people out there, confused and scared, and maybe what they need most is an open door, and they'll find it here. I've never had an incident in here before, and I doubt I will now. I'm just going to sit here with my paper and watch the world go by as I always do. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Now, if you'd like a candy bar or something, be my guest,” George said, pointing to the array of chocolate and sweets.

  “Actually, I'd prefer some information, if you have any,” Tillman said, swallowing his frustration about George's attitude. The man evidently wasn't going to leave and there was no sense in Tillman trying to force him. So, he might as well try getting something useful from him. “Have you seen Jessica? She's a teenager. She was probably with a boy around the same age.”

  George shook his head slowly. “Sorry, friend. You're the first person I've seen here today. I'll keep an eye out for her, though, and I'll tell her you're looking for her.”

  “Thanks, George, and just think about what I said, okay? I'd hate to see anything happen to this place.”

  A broad smile spread across George's face. “You city folk have little faith. I'm quite sure that it isn't going to be as bad as you think. You just watch and wait and learn, and you'll see that people are nice to each other around here. We look out for each other. And please, I insist that you take something for your time,” he said.

  Tillman glanced at the stack of candy bars and grabbed a Mars Bar, as well as a jar of beef jerky. He delved into his pocket and felt a dollar bill scrunched up. He pulled it out and slammed it on the counter. It was worthless to him, but it was still polite.

  He bid farewell to George and hoped that the man didn't fall victim to his faith. It was all well and good to believe in community spirit, but only if others shared that belief. George was taking a risk by living out in the open, but then Tillman had to ask himself if it was really all that bad? George seemed happy enough, and it was likely better to spend time living life as he was used to rather than hiding away in the darkness of a house, because the world wasn't going to get any better.

  Tillman strolled along the sidewalk and peeled open the candy bar wrapper. His stomach rumbled as he caught the scent of chocolate. He took a bite, sinking his teeth into the caramel and nougat, then chewed and enjoyed the sensations running through his body. Candy bars weren't something he treated himself to very often, for they ravaged the body and made him feel heavy, but on this occasion, it seemed like something he could afford to indulge in. He took his time eating, and when it was all gone he looked around for a trash can and saw one on the other side of the street.

  As he stepped off the sidewalk he instinctively cast his gaze up and down the street, looking for oncoming traffic, before he realized how stupid that was now. Then he deposited the trash and continued walking, smiling to himself. Maybe George was right, he thought. The rules of common society had been ingrained into a lot of people, and perhaps those shackles would be harder to break than Tillman had thought. Hadn't he just gone to the trash can rather than throw his trash on the ground? He'd done so because that's what he always had been taught. If enough people held onto those lessons...maybe things wouldn't be as bad as Tillman feared.

  Tillman peered into various stores as he passed them to see if there was anyone with an outlook similar to George’s. He seemed to be one of a kind, though, as all the other stores were closed and dark inside. The air was so still it was as though he was walking through a ghost town. He felt he needed to be quiet, the same need that people felt when they were in a library or a church. He could have shouted for Jessica at the top of his voice, but that seemed wrong somehow.

  Tillman kept to the shadows and made his way to the movie theater. He'd seen so many other places during his life, but he'd never forget the layout of this town. A few of the storefronts had changed, but it was the same as he had always known it. As much as Tillman had tried to get away from this place a part of him always would be here.

  As he looked around him he remembered what it was to be a boy in this place, running around with his childhood friends, spending all day in the arcade, without a care in the world. He walked the same steps as a man that he had walked as a boy. The boy never would have imagined the life that Tillman had led. Would he be proud? Had he accomplished all he wanted to do?

  Immediately he looked across the street at the ice cream parlor on the corner and was filled with a wave of nostalgia. Aside from the arcade, that was his favorite place. He crossed the street and tried the door. It was locked. There didn't seem to be anyone in there. He pressed his face to the glass and looked at the leather seats, the booths, and the stools at the window. He remembered what this place was like when it was filled with people, when they all were sitting and enjoying the different flavors of ice cream. When he had been sitting here with Angela.

  A wistful smile crossed Tillman's face as he thought about his childhood sweetheart, perhaps the one major regret he'd had in life. The two of them were firm friends, having risen together through school. Her last name was Torres as well, although it was just a quirk of fate. There was no relation to his own family, but it meant that they always were seated together in classes. After spending so much time together it was natural that affection blossomed between them when they reached their teenage years. Tillman remembered how it was to feel the warmth spreading through his body as he saw her, how being with her seemed to lift his spirit. This ice cream parlor held a special place in his heart because it was where they'd had their first date.

  It was strange, he remembered, because they always had come here as friends, but to be on a date with her was something different entirely. His stomach was wracked with nerves and there was an edge to the conversation. He thought it had been going terribly and had been worried
that he had blown his chances for good, but when they left the ice cream parlor Angela had slipped her hands into his and rested her head upon his shoulder.

  He'd walked tall and proud. It was the first time he remembered feeling like a man. They strolled along the street and then came to an alley. They sneaked down and, under the stars, shared their first kiss. Even now he could remember how she tasted, that soft scent of strawberries on her lips, the coolness of the ice cream lingering. Back then it seemed so easy. The two of them were in love and nothing would have been able to keep them apart.

  Chapter Three

  Of course, life never worked out that way. He and Angela were together for a couple of years. They spent most of their time in the arcade, much to the chagrin of his parents. Tillman amazed her with his skills, although in truth she gave him a run for his money more often than he let on. They spoke about the future and what each of them wanted to do with their lives. They spoke of their fears and their dreams...the one thing they agreed on was they wanted to stay together. It was the one thing that fell apart so easily.

  Tillman hadn't wanted it to end, but with so many other things in life, circumstances changed. Angela had high hopes. She was driven, ambitious, and she knew she needed to go to college to make something of herself. Tillman's path was different. Already he was becoming something of a household name in the gaming community, his name spreading as a whisper across the land. He'd almost become a mythical figure for his exploits in a range of arcade games. He had won a few tournaments and started realizing he could do this for a living. That's when the tensions with his parents had begun and would last for years.

  The tension with Angela was only brief, but it was no less intense. Looking back on it now, Tillman saw how foolish he had been to think he could have fought the situation. The die had been cast as soon as the two of them declared their differing ambitions, and for all the good intentions in the world the two of them would not have been able to stay together. At that point life seemed so short, and he didn't think he could make it without her. It was strange to think that now he had lived most of his life without Angela, but he never had forgotten her.

  He remembered that last summer before she went off to college. He told her that he'd wait for her, that he'd make the effort. She told him that she didn't want either of them to resent each other. His parents were pressuring him to make it work, even going so far as to tell him to propose. Tillman knew in his heart that she would have said no. The main thing he loved about Angela was how strong and ferocious she was. She never let anyone tell her how to live her life, and she certainly wasn't going to start with Tillman. It was what inspired him to do the same with his life.

  They spent the night together, crying, hugging. It was bittersweet and painful. Neither of them wanted to let go for they knew that when they did, it was going to be for the last time.

  That's what they thought at the time anyway. When Angela left the next morning, Tillman retreated to the only refuge he knew, the arcade. There he stayed until it closed, and he allowed himself to be swallowed in virtual worlds. He spread his soul across infinite universes because it was the only way he knew how to deal with the pain. It allowed him to move forward in his career and make a living, but all the time it was borne out of loneliness and heartbreak.

  As it happened, it wasn't the last time he saw Angela. During that year, Tillman found himself competing in a tournament in the city where she was going to college. They had gotten together. They had talked. He'd found out that she had had a relationship with a guy, a rebound thing, when she got to college. He found that it was easy to forgive her for that. They slept together, rekindling their love, but departing the second time was even harder than the first. He performed badly in the tournament, and he knew he had to make a choice. He either could focus himself fully on being the best gamer he could be and rise to the top, or he could allow himself to be distracted by his emotions.

  He chose the former.

  Hardening his heart, he had made sure he never allowed himself to be so weak again. He never wanted to make himself vulnerable, because it was an easy way to get hurt. He saw how Morelle had been treated too, and it seemed to him that love simply wasn't worth the hassle. He'd experienced true, pure love, and consoled himself with the fact that that was more than most people got in a lifetime.

  He and Angela spoke intermittently over the following couple of years. He found it difficult to stick to his convictions, and always made time for her, even though it broke his heart all over again to hear her voice, to know she was somewhere out in the world, living life, having experiences. If they had made different decisions, it was all too easy to think that they could have been living together, sharing their lives. However, they hadn't, and it was too late to go back.

  Tillman had to strive hard to stop thinking about Angela, because whenever he did so his performances suffered and, in the end, he made the choice to prioritize his career. He resolved himself to living a life of solitude. It was simpler to keep to the essentials. It became even easier when he received word that Angela was getting married.

  He was happy for her, genuinely, but a tear came to his eye as the soul of the teenager inside him wept.

  Tillman thought about her now, wondering how she was coping with the end of the world, if she was even still alive. It was a sobering thought, but he decided to believe that she was still alive. Even though they hadn't spoken for years he didn't want to live in a world in which she was dead.

  Emotions swelled within him, and he reminded himself that he had to find Jessica. It would do him no good to waste time on maudlin matters, thinking about a past that had been left behind a long time ago.

  Steeling himself against his own emotions, Tillman grew frustrated. He hadn't expected to be so affected by the past, but since he was here he was unable to shake off the feelings he thought he had left behind. This place had been a bastion of hope for him, when all the possibilities of life had been open to him. He had believed that he could have it all, but he'd had to choose. He turned away from the ice cream parlor, turning away from his youth, and left it all behind.

  Jessica was the only thing that mattered now.

  Tillman tried to change his outlook and do what he did best, look forward. Ever since he and Angela broke up he had been fixated on getting on with his life. As far as he was concerned, if you stayed still you might as well have been going backward. “Onward, ever marching” was his mantra, and he tried to live up to that ideal with everything he did. He always tried to improve, to learn new skills, and it was one of the reasons he had been able to stay at the competitive level he had.

  The world of video gaming had exploded over the last couple of decades. With the ease of access more people were becoming involved, and there was an influx of younger people. Their brash arrogance was backed up with quick reflexes and the advantage of having spent their entire lives training, for many of them had had a video game controller in their hands from a young age. It almost was second nature to them. The old guard, Tillman's generation, had been shocked, and many of them had failed to adapt. They all had fallen by the wayside. Only Tillman and a few others had been able to keep pace, and out of those few only Tillman remained dominant. He wasn't proud of it, but he took joy in seeing their arrogant faces fall when he, an old man, beat them down.

  That was all gone too.

  Tillman sighed heavily as he repeated his mantra in his head.

  Onward, ever marching.

  It was truer now than it ever had been before. He had to adapt and move on, as he had done so many times before. But, he had to ask himself if it always was going to be possible to move on? Was there only so much his heart could take before it crumbled under the weight of all the sorrow it bore?

  These were questions that only would be answered after some time had passed. Tillman hoped sincerely that he would be able to meet the challenges of this life and succeed, as he had met so many challenges before.

  But Jessica was on hi
s mind. She had to be his focus. It was just difficult when he was reminded of so many things that had been left in the past. His homecoming had not been a happy one, that was for sure.

  Tillman continued to the movie theater when he spotted the alley in which he and Angela had shared their first kiss. He paused, wrestling with himself, but he was unable to resist the temptation to walk down that alley and remember that magical night, where the stars shone down, and they shut away all their doubts and fears. He rounded the corner and to his surprise he found he wasn't alone.

  Toward the end of the alley was a man lying on the ground. A dog was by his side. The dog stiffened as Tillman approached. It looked to be a pit bull-hound mix. Tillman wasn't an expert on dogs, so he didn't know exactly the mixture of breeds. The dog's skin was mottled, with different shades of darkness and light. Its beady eyes gazed at Tillman and its ears spiked up. Some animals would go wild in this situation, but those whose owners stayed with them would feel the blessing of having an animal for protection. Tillman stayed still at first, holding out his hands, not wanting to provoke the animal.

  Carefully, he moved into the alley. He assumed the man was sleeping but wanted to make sure he was alright. He called out, but there was no movement. He stayed close to the wall. Tension coiled in his body, and he made sure he was ready to flee if the dog made any aggressive moves.

  “Okay, boy, I just want to check on your owner,” Tillman said. The dog snarled and growled. Tillman knew he wasn't going to be able to get past the dog. Such loyalty was hard to find in the world, and whoever this man was, he was fortunate.